Family Constellation and the Orders of Love

Orders of Love in Family Constellation Therapy Work is a concept worth discussing because it brings to light the ways in which judgments, beliefs and projections on others in the family creates Separation, which must be healed if the family is to have Love working properly. [Scroll down to keep reading.]

“Orders of Love” is a family constellation phrase that speaks to the “right to belong” in a family system, and the order of rank, so that each person is accounted for and in their rightful place. These orders, when disturbed result in children parenting their parents and siblings; miscarriages and abortions that are not accounted for may create children unsure of their place in the family to name but a few.

Family Constellations look for those who are Lost, Forgotten, Cast Out and Denied their Rightful Place in the family system. Family goes “missing” when someone in the family system suppresses the knowledge of “those ones” from others or purposefully moves someone out of the family through rejection. This results from the Great Ones such as parents and grandparents having judgments and beliefs about their elders, peers (siblings) or descendants (children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews and sons- or daughter-in-laws), which disturbs the flow of love in the family system.

When I see people being purposefully kept separate from the family system I look for where someone went into Ego, also known as consciousness challenges from survival mind. Ego creates separation through judgments, beliefs and projections on the other party. Ego seeks, for example, revenge/vengeance when victimized. Ego disrupts the Orders of Love in the family, and compassion (Love without judgment) restores all.

Let’s review some ways in which the Orders of Love are disturbed in a family system:

Lost Members because of:
Abortions and miscarriage
Given up for adoption
IVF Embryos
Famine
Holocaust
Institutionalized
War / Terrorism
Blacksheep/Scapegoat “assignments”

Forgotten because of:
Leaving the homeland and everyone behind
A family member is institutionalized and never spoken of again
A first love is left behind

Cast Out because of:
Marriage or Divorce
Difference in religion
Disobedience
Traitor to the Family System/Ways
Criminal background (Murder, Theft, etc.)

Denied their rightful place because of:
Homosexuality/Sexuality or Sexual Abuse (Pedophilia, Molestation, etc.)
Prostitution or Promiscuity
Addiction
Illegal acts (criminal activity, imprisonment, etc.)
Loss of reputation

In my constellations, the goal, as always, is forgiveness of the judgments and beliefs about others that keeps family members separate and disrupts the Orders of Love, so the family can become more unified inside Oneness.

Note about Lost Ones in the family system:
When some children come into the family they may tune into who is missing in the family and attempt to account for them. They often rescue animals, especially dogs and cats or injured animals. When they get older, they offer their couch or sofa to someone who is homeless and lost to their own system. These are signs of deep love and loyalty.

These compassionate ones are unconsciously trying to “see the lost ones”. However, it brings significant pain and strain to their own lives due to their spiritual entanglements.

It has been said that it is not their job to “see” these one, but the job of the one or ones who cast them out, for example. It is as if a person is saying, “I will see you if no one else is.” However, that does not resolve the original conflict in the family, which is why family constellation work is so beautiful –it reaches the one(s) who needs to see the lost one and helps clear the judgments and beliefs so that healing for all family members occurs.

If you have been experiencing pain and suffering in your family and are wondering how to clear things up so you can have healing in your family, family constellation work is profound for restoring the flow of love to the family system. I can help you get disentangled from your suffering obligations of love (and loyalty) to those in your family who are Lost, Cast Out, Denied or Forgotten. Let us help you heal the past so you can have a better present.